Friday, May 18, 2007

Once Upon A Time...

My name's XXXXXX. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do.
You cannot nor will not change my behavior.
You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect.
All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth,
because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.
I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic.
I have no empathy for you or anyone else.
It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decison to stop using/drinking
and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.


When I first read the above, which had been posted on a message board, I thought to myself: 'Boy, can I ever relate to that person...'. Over the years since, I've come to regard those words and sentences in different ways; a quick explanation of addiction behavior, a mea culpa, a back door exit...
I can't wait to read the conclusion.

1 comment:

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