One-Third of Americans Have an Addicted Relative

Nearly 1/3 of Americans have an immediate family member who has or have had an alcohol or drug abuse problem and almost half of those families have more than one member who had an addiction problem. For most of those families the most significant negative consequence of that addiction is the embarrassment or social stigma.

These finds were part of the "Attitudes Toward Addiction Survey" conducted by the Hazelden organization.

The telephone survey of 1,000 adults revealed some lingering stigma associated with alcoholism and drug addiction in spite of the fact 78% of those surveyed agreed that drug addiction is a chronic disease rather than a personal failing.

According to Hazelden, when survey participants were asked to describe people who have problems with drugs or alcohol included: "sinner," "irresponsible," "selfish, "stupid," "uncaring," "loser," "undisciplined," "pitiful," "pathetic," "weak," "criminal," "derelict," "washed up" and "crazy."

"What Hazelden's new survey brought home to me is that Americans understand addiction is a disease, yet much more work must be done to explain how effective treatment can be for addicts and to bring an end to the stigma that prevents addicts from pursuing treatment," said William Cope Moyers, executive director of Hazelden's Center for Public Advocacy in a news release.

The Prevalence of Addiction

Here are some of the survey findings about the prevalence of addiction:

* Nearly one-third of Americans reported past abuse of alcohol or drugs in their immediate family.

* Of those households with an immediate family member who had an addiction problem, 44% reported more than one family member with a drug problem.

* A third of the families which reported a drug problem in their immediate family say that a majority of their family members have problems with drugs.

* With one in six of the respondents dealing with substance abuse in their family, every member of the family has a problem with drugs or alcohol.

* When asked about extended family, virtually half of Americans surveyed reported three or more family members have experienced a problem with drugs during their lives.

Attitudes About Prevention, Treatment

The survey also revealed attitudes about prevention and treatment efforts:

* 79% percent feel the War on Drugs has not been successful.

* 83% agree that much more should be done to prevent addiction.

* 83% believe that first-time drug offenders should get chemical dependency treatment rather than prison time.

* 77 percent agree that many addicts who complete treatment go on to lead useful lives.

* 71% agree health insurance should cover addiction treatment, but most have no idea if their own insurance will pay.

As a result of the survey, Hazelden's Center for Public Advocacy will launch a public advocacy campaign in Washington, D.C. and across the United States this year.
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source: http://alcoholism.about.com

Study finds mom's beliefs may impact their kids' alcohol use

Mothers, take note. If you really want to curb your teens' chances of using alcohol, help them develop a self-view that doesn't include drinking. According to a new Iowa State University study, the power of positive thinking by moms may limit their children's alcohol use. But beware. The opposite is also true.

"When mothers overestimated their teens' future use of alcohol, the teens developed the self-view that they were likely to drink alcohol in the future, which ultimately led them to drink more," said Stephanie Madon, an ISU associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study.

Madon collaborated on the study with ISU graduate students Ashley Buller, Kyle Scherr and Jennifer Willard; Max Guyll, an assistant professor of psychology; and Richard Spoth, director of the Partnerships in Prevention Science Institute at Iowa State. They analyzed data obtained from a series of interviews with nearly 800 Iowa mothers and their children over three to five years.

Their paper, "The Mediation of Mothers' Self-Fulfilling Effects on Their Children's Alcohol Use: Self-Verification, Informational Conformity, and Modeling Processes," was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a professional journal of the American Psychological Association.

Previous research found self-fulfilling prophecy

The team's previous research had found a link between a mother's belief about her child's likelihood of using alcohol and her child's actual use in junior high school and high school.

"We previously found that mothers' beliefs about their teen's future use of alcohol were about 50 percent correct and 50 percent incorrect, and that the incorrect portion of mothers' beliefs created a self-fulfilling prophecy -- teens behaved like their mothers had incorrectly expected them to," Madon said.

Their latest study builds upon those results.

"What we were trying to do in this paper was understand the mechanisms involved in the self-fulfilling prophecy process," Madon said. "We know that mothers have self-fulfilling effects on their kids' alcohol use through the past work that we've done. What we wanted to do here was understand 'How is that happening? What are the mechanisms that are creating that?'

"We derived our hypothesis from three large, well-known theories in the social/psychological literature -- self-verification theory, research on conformity and social learning theory as it pertains to modeling processes," she said.

According to Madon, self-verification theory proposes that people are motivated to confirm what they already believe to be true about themselves. The study found strong evidence that a mother's beliefs regarding her child's likelihood of using alcohol altered her child's self-view in either a positive or negative direction. The child then validated that new self-view by acting consistently with it later on.

"What people believe ultimately has an impact on what actually occurs," Madon said. "But it's not just because they believe it. It's not magic. When we believe something -- even if we're wrong -- when we believe it's true, we act as though it is. And sometimes when you act as though something's true, your behaviors will cause the belief to become true.

"So I think the moral here is to help children develop positive and pro-social self-concepts about themselves, because children are likely to make choices that match how they view themselves," she said.

Kids model their friends' drinking behavior

The study also found some evidence that modeling -- a tendency for people to learn by watching others -- may alter a child's alcohol use. Madon says they had a little bit of support for modeling as it related to friends' alcohol use.

"We hypothesized that mothers may influence who their children are friends with and that children may learn how to behave by watching what their friends do," she said.

But there was no evidence that children conformed their own belief to their mothers' on how acceptable it was for adolescents, in general, to use alcohol.

"How acceptable children thought it was for adolescents to drink alcohol was explained by their own self-views, not by their mothers' beliefs about them. And that's not surprising given that what you think about yourself is going to be strongly tied to what you think is acceptable behavior," Madon said.

She says that it's still a good idea for mothers to instill in their children the belief that adolescent alcohol use is unacceptable, since the study did show a direct effect of teens' perceptions regarding the acceptability of alcohol use on their own drinking.

"The more acceptable teens believed adolescent alcohol use was, the more alcohol they tended to drink themselves," Madon said.
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source: Iowa State University

Start discussing ways to educate about alcohol

This summer, I signed the Amethyst Initiative, a statement from university presidents that invites public discussion on how Americans deal with alcohol. It proposes that America has developed a culture of dangerous binge drinking, particularly on college campuses. The signatories call on elected officials and the public to weigh all the consequences of current alcohol policies and invite new ideas on how best to prepare young adults to make responsible decisions about alcohol use.

More than 120 college and university presidents have signed in support of initiating this discussion. Some support the current 21-year-old drinking age; others may want to change it. But they are united in their concern about the effects of binge drinking.

Binge drinking is a cultural pattern that differs from past approaches to alcohol. Let me offer my own story: I did not drink until I was in college at a time when the drinking age in Massachusetts was 18. I was introduced to the graciousness of a sherry hour. Wine or beer was served as part of a semester-end get-together at a professor's house. After church, parishioners would invite students to their homes to discuss the sermon over spaghetti and Chianti. Drinking was part of a larger culture of sociability and community.

That's not true today. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention cites a report saying that 70 percent of binge-drinking incidents occur among adults over 24. People ages 14-24 are 15.5 percent of the population but account for 30 percent of binge-drinking episodes.

I applaud the efforts of organizations such as MADD in raising awareness that drinking and driving do not mix. But while the current 21-year-old drinking age may have helped discourage drinking and driving, it has not stemmed the incidence of young people who drink. We have taken drinking, particularly for traditional college-age students, and driven it underground. While fewer people between 18 and 21 are dying from alcohol-related accidents, more students are binge drinking and getting drunk before attending an event. More are victims of alcohol poisoning and alcohol-related date rape. More drink to get drunk.

Unlike when I went to college, there is no similar opportunity today to educate students about drinking because it is against the law for faculty, staff and off-campus adults to serve alcohol to students under 21. Responsible drinking is a learned behavior. We know that the overwhelming majority of college-age students drink, but we cannot model what responsible drinking is like.

Over the years, colleges have seen an increase in students coming to us with binge-drinking habits that began in high school. At Butler, we offer alcohol-education programs from the first day students arrive on campus. We remind students of the law and the dangers of drinking to excess. We issue citations for alcohol violations.

Butler has had success in reining in binge drinking, but all universities deal with this issue. It is not enough to preach abstinence, sanction offenders and pick up the pieces after a student has been a victim of alcohol abuse. There must be education about alcohol from childhood through adulthood. That's what the Amethyst discussion is all about.
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source: Indy Star

Five Ways Parents Can Help Middle School Kids Delay Their First Drink

The first few weeks of middle school are a frenzy of friends, parties, and school events. It's also time for parents to start talking with their kids about the dangers of drinking alcohol, according to The Science Inside Alcohol Project of the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS).

Twenty percent of 14 year-olds say they've been drunk at least once, according to the Surgeon General, and recent news points out dangers of alcohol use by the young:

-- The Partnership for A Drug-Free America released a study in August, 2008 of 6,500 teens in which 73% said school stress caused them to drink and take drugs.

-- A Columbia University study, also released in August found that "problem parents," those who let their kids stay out past 10:00 PM on school nights in particular, are putting them in situations where they are at risk for drinking and drug use.

-- About 100 university leaders called for a national discussion of lowering the drinking age back to 18, saying it's not clear that 21 works.
The middle school years are crucial in the battle to prevent early alcohol use. Young adolescents' bodies and friendships are changing. They start pulling away from parents; yet seek out other adults for guidance. It's the most vulnerable time, specialists say, but also one of the last times they still can be influenced by adults.

No one sets out to be a disengaged parent. But it's hard to be vigilant and talk to your kids about complicated topics when you are constantly on the go. "As parents better understand the physiological effects of alcohol on the body and the fact that their children might be starting younger, it can motivate them to have this sometimes awkward conversation," says Shirley Malcom, head of the Education & Resources Directorate at AAAS. "That's where the science can help."
Members of AAAS' The Science Inside Alcohol Project are writing a book for middle school parents and developing an interactive Web-based science and health curriculum explaining how alcohol affects adolescents' brains and bodies. Based on extensive research, the AAAS team suggests five steps parents can take to talk with their kids about alcohol.

1. Find Teachable Moments - We live in a culture of celebrity. If a celebrity your child admires admits to a drinking problem, or an instance of alcohol abuse occurs in your community, talk about it. Ask your middle school student if she knows anyone who drinks alcohol and whether it is at parties or has been brought into her school. Answer questions. Have this conversation often.

2. Talk to Your Kids When Everything is Fine - Middle school students are volatile, hormonal beings. They are sweet and wonderful one moment, and blow up the next. Pick a time when things are quiet and they're a captive audience such as in the backseat of your car. Don't take no for an answer.

3. Engage Your Kids in the Science of Alcohol - Adolescents are incredibly self-involved. Alcohol can cause memory loss, impair sports performance, incite embarrassing behavior and affect how they feel and look. Make them aware of these facts. If there is a history of alcoholism in your family explain about genetic predispositions towards alcohol abuse.

4. Be Vigilant - There's no alternative to monitoring your kids. Have an early curfew. Know where they are at all times. Even if you are not home on a weeknight, make sure you can reach your kids by phone. Get to know their new friends and their parents. Find out what their rules and level of engagement are.

5. Learn to Trust Your Child - Now's the time when all the work you've put into creating a value system for your child begins to pay off. Set limits and enforce rules, but remember to give your child room to make his or her decisions, within your comfort zone. Praise them when they do well. It's worth a thousand words.
The Science Inside Alcohol Project of AAAS is funded by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).
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source: http://www.marketwatch.com

Saving Brains - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Discovery In Sheep Could Help Humans Soon

In a study on fetal alcohol syndrome, researchers were able to prevent the damage that alcohol causes to cells in a key area of the fetal brain by blocking acid sensitive potassium channels and preventing the acidic environment that alcohol produces. The cerebellum, the portion of the brain that is responsible for balance and muscle coordination, is particularly vulnerable to injury from alcohol during development.

The researchers also found that although alcohol lowers the amount of oxygen in the blood of the mother, it is not the lack of oxygen that damages the fetal cerebellum, but the drop in pH.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is a condition in which maternal drinking during pregnancy injures the brain of the developing fetus. Alcohol is the most common cause of injury to the fetal brain. Children born with fetal alcohol syndrome may have cognitive impairments and difficulty regulating their behavior. They often have difficulty in school and exhibit behavioral problems, such as impulsiveness, later in life.

The syndrome is estimated to occur in approximately one in every 1,000 births in Western countries. Milder forms of the condition, known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, occur more frequently.

The study with sheep, published in the August issue of the American Journal of Physiology, demonstrated that the damage can be prevented by blocking acid sensitive potassium channels, known as TASK channels, that lead into the Purkinje cells. The study, "Acid Sensitive Channel Inhibition Prevents Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Cerebellar Purkinje Cell Loss," was carried out by Jayanth Ramadoss, Emilie R. Lunde, Nengtai Ouyang, Wei-Jung A. Chen and Timothy A. Cudd. The research was done at Texas A&M University.

Maternal drinking lowers the blood pH of both the mother and the fetus, making the blood more acidic. The researchers hypothesized that this acidity damages the Purkinje cells of the fetal cerebellum. Using 56 pregnant sheep, they induced the change in pH in some sheep using alcohol, while in others they manipulated the extracellular pH. This approach allowed them to test their hypothesis that it was the fall in pH that created the damage, not the alcohol, per se.

Alcohol produced a 45% reduction in Purkinje cells of the fetal cerebellum, while the pH changes alone produced a 24% decrease. A drop in the number of Purkinje cells in the cerebellum is a measure of damage.

However, when the researchers used a drug, doxapram, to block the TASK channels leading into the Purkinje cells, they prevented the change in pH in the fetal cerebellar cells and prevented any reduction in the number of these cells.

"This study demonstrates that direct pharmacological blockade of TASK 1 and TASK 3 channels protects the most sensitive target of fetal alcohol exposure, cerebellar Purkinje cells," the authors concluded.

This study complements work by other researchers who have found success with supplements such as choline, a precursor for the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. These supplements may work on the same mechanism that Dr. Cudd's lab has been researching.

Funding: The research was funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) Pediatrics Initiatives and the NIH National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.
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source: http://www.scientificblogging.com

My father gave me my first hit of heroin

Crime was part of my life from my earliest memory. Not just the seedy, dark kind, but the day-to-day-to-pay-the-bills crime. This included theft, fraud, robbery and drug-dealing. Mum had left us when I was three. Dad did whatever he could to keep us going. Crime was how we survived, and as I grew older it became a father and son business.

Dad was first released from prison in 1982. We were living in a smart flat in Kensington and he'd gone straight back to dealing drugs to bring in money - getting a job wasn't even on his radar. Part of our income came from a 2kg block of Peruvian cocaine he was holding for a mate. Dad woke me up on my 16th birthday with a massive line of coke neatly presented on an antique mirror. I loved it. It never felt as if he was being irresponsible. It was normal to me.

A few weeks later, I was watching him dealing with two new customers. They were buying heroin. I'd been snorting a lot of coke and had overdone it. The hash was no longer balancing the buzz of the coke. I wanted something stronger. Dad clearly thought smack was something special - he told me it calmed the erratic, euphoric hit of cocaine. I became convinced this was what I needed for my amphetamine-frayed nerves. I'd asked him for heroin plenty of times, but he'd always flatly refused. When it started to look as if I was going to ruin this transaction with the new customers, he took me into the kitchen.

"Look, kid, I don't know what you're up to, but we need their business - I have to pay the rent." He took out a six-inch square of silver foil from the cupboard. "You can have some of this, but only a little, then piss off to your room and let me seal the deal."

My heart beat faster. This was the rite of passage I'd been waiting for, and another step deeper into Dad's world. I knew what to do - I'd seen him do it plenty of times. The narcotic rush that ran through my body was physical and emotional. I instantly understood why Dad loved it so much. It made everything easier, happier and safer. In that moment I felt a deeper connection to my father. It sounds shocking but, for me, it was no different from your average father and son sharing their first quiet pint down the local pub.

This initiation into the world of class As happened at a time when I was terrified of what the future held. Dad had been locked up for the previous three years, and had missed my transition from boy to teenager. We had a lot of catching up to do.

My smack habit developed quickly, partly from the little Dad gave me to calm me down and partly from the stuff I nicked off him to keep me stoned. I once angrily asked him why he gave it to me and he told me he wanted to keep me off the streets. At least this way he could "keep an eye on me". It was a twisted paternal protectiveness that led to our relationship breaking down completely, and ended with him back in prison and me locked up for the first time in my life.

My father was essentially lazy; crime was a means to getting us to a better place. Long-term, he wanted me to go to college; get some qualifications and a "proper" job. He was well-intentioned, but hopelessly deluded by the painkilling drugs he loved so much.

A while back I heard that the dysfunction our parents hand down to us gives us something to work with, something to motivate us out of the gutter; that's if we're lucky enough to survive our early years. Giving me heroin was a mistake my father grew to regret deeply - I knew this because he told me, many times. It accelerated me to a place to which I was already heading. And, looking back, the quicker I got there the better. My destination was prison, for dealing and taking drugs.

At 21, I was released on bail to go into rehab and I was able to do what my father never managed through all his years in prison, reading books and meditating: I got clean from drugs and alcohol, and I've stayed clean ever since.

That day in the kitchen had a dark beauty to it. Taking drugs was part of the way my father and I connected. I'm thankful I was able to get a little closer to him during that time. Heroin took my father's life, through a deliberate overdose 16 years ago. Bizarrely, it gave me mine. I still love and miss him deeply.
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source: The Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk

Children often innocent victims of adult addiction, drug abuse

For one 12-year-old girl, addiction is a drawing of a green monster with red eyes that has a steel band around her mom, dad and older sister. It carries a bag of alcohol, nicotine and inhalants.

For another child, addiction is a sketch of his mom and dad in a beer can, with the words “please stop” etched above in crayon.

And for a handful of kids, it’s an image of a broken heart, sometimes drawn with parent’s names on each side, or the names of a brother or sister, aunt or uncle.

Whatever the image, the picture is the same for kids who were asked to describe the disease: drug and alcohol addiction hurts families, especially children.

“It’s now a huge issue. Almost one out of three, one out of four kids are living in a family with alcohol or drug abuse,” said Jerry Moe, vice president and national director of children’s programs at The Betty Ford Center in California. “They’re the No. 1 at-risk group.”

Moe, speaking Monday at Indiana University of Pennsylvania to kick-off the 20th year of the Mid-Atlantic Addiction Research Training Institute Summer School, said that, though the issue is prevalent now, this is the time to stop the multi-generational disease and push back the first age a child may use a substance. Children in families with addiction are at a higher risk of getting the disease than those without any family history, he said.

“If one takes a coin that says at-risk and turns it over, it says at-promise. Some kids have the most incredible strength and promise. They just need safe people to guide them,” he said.

Ten years ago, the average age for a child to have his or her first drink was 15 years old, he said, but today the average age is 12 years old.

“Younger kids start regardless of any other risk and are more likely than ever to get harmfully involved,” he said.

Part of the reason for such prevalent effects on children has been a change in the family form over the last 35 to 40 years, said Robert Ackerman, director of MARTI.

“I don’t think children today are different than when I was a child. If you let a child do what they want, they’ll do what they want,” he said. “What has changed dramatically is adult behavior. Children in many cases are trying to survive changes in adult behavior in our culture.”

Child abuse, neglect, abandonment and divorce are some of the many interrelated problems that affect families suffering from addiction.

“We hear the African saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ Well it takes that same village to stop the parents,” he said.

Pictures drawn by kids in the programs at the Betty Ford Center illustrate the feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, anger and sadness that children in families with addiction experience.

One girl drew a picture of her dad passed out on a couch the entire time she was with him for the weekend while she sat alone on a chair crying. Another drew an image of his mom with a bottle on a bed while he was on the phone with his grandpa, asking for help.

Conflict, Moe said, is what hurts families the most, but children are also hurt by what doesn’t happen in the family place, especially when they know something is wrong.

“They may not be able to name it specifically. They may not be able to name addiction. But they know something is wrong because they love their parents more than anything else,” he said. “… Kids know a lot. We don’t give them enough credit for how much they know and some feel they’re going crazy because no one validates.”

But the situation is not hopeless as treatment and research organizations are shifting their focus to advocate and work for all children, not just those from addicted families, Ackerman said.

Another step is for people to become conscious of the effects on children. It is important, he said, for adults to admit that kids are affected by their behavior, whether they realize it or not.

For Moe, anyone that can get involved in the life of a child can help. Forming relationships and letting a child know someone safe is there for them can help tremendously, he said.

“What are their strengths? Build them. Skills? Give them some new ones. Supports? Be one,” he said. “Help kids find the beauty and goodness inside.”

In his arsenal of games and techniques at the Betty Ford Center, his most potent weapon is love.

“It’s our most basic human need that from the time we’re conceived to when we take our last breath. We need to love and be loved,” he said.
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source: http://www.indianagazette.com

Concert a way to bring serenity to families of addicts

Jazz singer who lost parents to addictions raises funds for treatment agency

When Ottawa jazz singer Kim Kaskiw performs Wednesday night at a benefit concert, she'll not only be playing for her own enjoyment -- she'll also be playing in memory of her parents.

Kaskiw lost both her parents to addictions. Her father, Michael, an alcoholic, died from cirrhosis of the liver in 1992. Her mother, an alcoholic but also a heavy smoker, died from lung cancer in 2004.

"I was devastated when they died," said Kaskiw, a jazz vocalist and tuba player who moved to Ottawa from Toronto 20 years ago after graduating from Humber College. She performs in shows around town and also teaches voice at Carleton University.

"You feel so helpless, you want to help, and you can see them killing themselves but they don't see it. My mother was in Alcoholics Anonymous for 30 years before she died, but she couldn't give up the nicotine addiction and she was severely addicted to it."

The concert at Library and Archives Canada is in support of Serenity Renewal for Families, an Ottawa agency that provides counselling and treatment for men and women suffering from substance abuse. It also provides counselling and support for the families of those struggling with substance abuse.

Kaskiw said even though she tried to help her parents, it was difficult growing up as they constantly struggled with their addictions.

"My father was still drinking at the time and once he showed up at my college during a performance of mine very drunk. I was so embarrassed," she recalled.

"There was a lot of shame on both sides. There is shame of the alcoholics who do these things and they have remnants of memories of doing these things, and some don't remember at all.

"And the child of an alcoholic, of course, remembers everything and is continually traumatized by it," she said.

"So, it is a family disease in this way, and you need to get the help that you need so that you can enjoy your life."

She said she got the idea for the benefit concert after reading stories about the growing drug problems among addicts in Ottawa.

"I saw these disturbing photos of people finding needles on the ground and people being upset about crack pipes being provided to addicts when really I think, there should be treatment centres for addicts, not crack pipes," she said.

For the benefit concert she's lined up some of Ottawa's top jazz musicians. They include J.P. Allain on piano, Norm Glaude on bass, Don Johnson on drums, Sandy Gordon on saxophone and Fred Pachi on trumpet and fluegelhorn. The night will feature original compositions and songs from Kaskiw's CD Shades of Love, which was released in 2006.

Tickets are $20 and available at The Ottawa Folklore Center, Compact Music, Leading Note Music and Serenity Renewal for Families.
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source: © The Ottawa Citizen 2008

Drinkers 'ignorant' about alcohol

Three-quarters of drinkers do not know a typical glass of wine contains three units of alcohol, a survey for the Department of Health suggests.

The YouGov survey of 1,429 drinkers in England found more than a third did not know their recommended daily limit - 2-3 units for women and 3-4 for men.

The survey coincides with a government campaign to promote careful drinking.

Ministers are concerned people are unaware that glass sizes have increased and some drinks have become stronger.

The internet survey found half those questioned drank alcohol at least two or three times a week.

And although 82% said they knew what a unit of alcohol was, 77% did not know how many units were in a typical large glass of wine.

More than half (55%) thought a large glass of wine would contain two units, when it actually contains three.

Nearly three out of five (58%) did not know a double gin and tonic contains two units.

More than a third (35%) did not know that an average pint of beer (ABV 4%) contains more than two units - although some strong lagers contain three units.

And 36% of women and 50% of men knew their recommended daily drinking limits were 2-3 units and 3-4 units respectively.

The Office of National Statistics revamped its assessment method to take into account the increased glass sizes and strength of alcoholic drinks last December.

Ordinary families

The Know Your Limits campaign aims to tell drinkers how many units are now in their drinks and help them stick to their recommended limits.

There is a series of new adverts on television, radio and newspapers showing the number of units in individual drinks.

The adverts use ordinary family situations to help people understand how many units are in typical alcoholic drinks and warns them how too much regular drinking can damage their health.

Public Health Minister Dawn Primarolo said people are not necessarily aware of how much they drink and how much it can harm their health.

"Glass sizes have grown larger and the strength of many wines and beers has increased, so it's no wonder some of us have lost track of our alcohol consumption.

"We aim to give people the facts about how many units are in different drinks in a non-judgemental way. Then they can then make their own assessments about how much they want to drink in the future."

Older drinkers

Mrs Primarolo said the campaign was aimed at over 25s who were less aware of what a unit was than younger people.

Some 32% of drinkers aged 18-24 correctly said that a large glass of wine contains three units, compared with just 18% of drinkers over 55.

Royal College of General Practitioners chairman Professor Steve Field said: "When it comes to alcohol GPs are used to hearing half truths about half measures.

"People need to have a better grasp of how much they're drinking by adding up their units.

"Alcohol can be a major contributing factor in many health disorders so it's vital that people think about how much alcohol they drink," he said.

Joe Korner, from The Stroke Association, said the organisation fully supports efforts to make people aware of the health risks associated with excessive drinking.

"There are around 1,100 haemorrhagic stroke deaths every year associated with alcohol and statistics show that women who drink over double their recommended limits are more than four times likely to suffer a stroke, and men almost twice as likely," he said.

Mark Hastings, of the British Beer and Pub Association, said: "We fully support the aim of giving people information on which to make their own decisions.

"But the government needs to be careful not to target the sensible majority while failing to tackle abuse by the minority.

"What people need is realistic advice and sensible action, not interference with their own judgement."
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source: BBC News

Ford to speak at Oaklawn benefit

LOS ANGELES -- Steven Ford was 18 when his father was sworn in as the 38th president of the United States.

"I was getting ready to go to college," said Ford, who will share his story with guests at the ninth annual Oaklawn Spring Spectacular on May 9. "When my dad became president, I decided to take a year off to get used to his being president."

So he headed west toward a longtime dream and started working on ranches.

"When my dad was in the White House, I was cowboying and rodeoing," said Ford, who has never lost his love for the "wild west."

The third of Gerald and Betty Ford's four children, he shared his urge for ranching with a desire to be an actor. Today, he has the best of both worlds, with a little ranch in California and intermittent side trips to movie and TV locations.

But first he studied range management at Utah State University and majored in animal science and equine studies at California Polytechnic State University.

"I thought I was going to run a ranch," he said, an ambition that proved a bit difficult with 10 Secret Service agents always around.

In '81, he earned the role for which most longtime fans of CBS hit daytime drama "The Young and the Restless" remember him, private investigator Andy Richards. It was an assignment he carried out until 1987 and again, briefly, in 2002.

"Soap fans are the best," Ford said, noting that daytime audiences then numbered between 9 million and 10 million, a long way from the estimated 2 million today. But the years don't matter.

"I can always spot a fan," he said. "I know by the way they look at me that they've recognized me."

And he is not complaining. His cinematic career includes "When Harry Met Sally," "Black Hawk Down," "Heat" and "Escape from New York."

His entry into the world of keynote speaking was another oblique segue. As an actor, "I was around some great storytellers," Ford said. "Ben Johnson, Slim Pickens, Roy Rogers ... all great storytellers. I think it was the combination of being an actor and being around great storytellers that did the trick. I'd tell some White House stories and my friends said put seven or eight together and do a speech."

And that's just what he did, except the stories expanded from tales of life in the White House to include some of his experiences with his mother's alcoholism and his own.

But not right away.

Ford, who has 14 years of sobriety, said he is able to talk about some of those issues because of his own experiences.

"Early on, I never talked about it to anybody," he said. "Betty Ford's son should have known better."

He started his sobriety because "life was going to come crashing down if I didn't" and plunged into the Alcoholic Anonymous program with no rehab prelude anywhere ... not even the Betty Ford Clinic.

"There was no family rate," he joked. "So it was AA and a lot of very hard work."

His life is now divided according to a somewhat academic calendar, speaking engagements from September through May, with time for a TV show or movie in the summer.

"A wise person in the program told me to keep my mouth shut for six years and work the program, then maybe I'd have something to offer," he said. He did and eventually began with talks in schools and for corporations

"I want the audience to walk away feeling that the White House is more personal to them," Ford said, adding with a chuckle, "When you can't afford Bill Clinton or George Bush Sr., you can afford me. You get the same stories but a lot cheaper.”

source: http://www.etruth.com

A Different Kind of Student Exam

Jim, a Darien High School junior, does not go to school dances anymore. The 16-year-old is boycotting them because to get in, he has to take a test that he thinks is unfair: Before he and classmates are allowed to enter a dance, they are asked to breathe into a device to determine whether they have consumed alcohol.

One of the Breathalyzers used.

Darien is one of many schools across the state that requires students to submit to a Breathalyzer test to gain entrance. School officials say the test is a fair way to ensure the safety of all students and send a clear message of zero tolerance for underage drinking.

But Mr. Hennessy and some other students see it as a violation of privacy. “I think they are completely ridiculous and a breach of personal freedom,” he said. “What you do off school grounds should be your own business.”

In Simsbury and other districts like Southington and Clinton, students are tested not only at school parties, but also during the school day if they are suspected of drinking. The Breathalyzer, a small hand-held device, is the latest weapon in the arsenal that school officials, with the backing of concerned parents, are using to curb underage drinking.

Some schools are searching purses and bags at the door for alcohol, or prohibiting students from carrying any bags into a dance. Many schools are offering alcohol-free graduation parties and after-parties for proms to help curb drinking after major school functions.

Districts are working with parents who are willing to sign contracts that their homes are alcohol-free zones during student parties or at gatherings before or after school events. School athletes who get caught drinking or appear in pictures on Web sites like MySpace.com drinking are being disciplined and could be suspended from playing sports under new policies at many districts.

In a Connecticut School Health Survey in 2005, more than half of 12th graders, or 59 percent, said they had used alcohol during the month, along with 48 percent of 11th graders, 42 percent of 10th graders and 35 percent of 9th graders.

Over all, 45 percent of high school students surveyed said they had used alcohol, compared with 43 percent nationwide, according to the study, conducted by the State Department of Health with help from the Department of Education.

Nationally, experts say there has been progress in reducing drinking, with 26 percent of 12th graders reporting binge drinking in 2007, down from 30 percent in 2000. And school and health officials say Breathalyzer tests are one way to help reduce alcohol usage among students.

Craig Turner, vice chairman of the Connecticut Coalition to Stop Underage Drinking, said the increased testing in schools is an outgrowth of a state crackdown on underage drinking: In 2006, Connecticut enacted legislation that fined anyone providing alcohol to minors.

“Schools recognize that there is pressure on kids to drink to conform and to be accepted by the group, and they are working to set a standard that it won’t be allowed,” Mr. Turner said.

Administrators at some high schools using the tests said the incidence of drinking at dances prompted them to administer Breathalyzer tests to all students. By doing so, school officials said, they cannot be criticized for singling anyone out.

Simsbury High School purchased Breathalyzer equipment in 2006 and required students suspected by administrators of drinking at the senior prom to be tested. Twenty-one students were found to have been drinking and were suspended from school and the graduation ceremony that year, Neil Sullivan, Simsbury’s principal, said.

“It was very painful for the community,” Mr. Sullivan said. “We were calling into question whether we could even keep holding the dances.”

After consulting with parents, teachers and the School Board, Mr. Sullivan said, the school district decided to enact a new policy to test all students for alcohol before entering dances.

Simsbury now has six Breathalyzer kits, which cost a total of about $300, to test students at every dance this year.

“From my point of view, it has been a successful initiative because we have not had an episode of student drinking since we started,” Mr. Sullivan said.

Darien High School’s principal, Dan Haron, said his district also decided to administer the Breathalyzer tests to all students this year because of problems with alcohol at previous dances.

“We had a few unfortunate incidents at the prom last year where students had clearly been drinking prior to coming, and we wanted to make sure to discourage that behavior,” Mr. Haron said. “Our main goal is to make sure students are safe and, once they are at the dance, have fun in a wholesome way.”

By mandating that all students attending a dance take the test, the school can avoid criticism, which it faced in the past, that educators are unfairly picking on certain students, school officials said.

Mr. Haron acknowledged that many upperclassmen are not happy with the new policy and that attendance at dances has dropped.

“If there is a negative aspect, then it is that we’ve seen far fewer seniors at school dances than in previous years,” he said.

Mr. Haron also said that other schools testing students reported similar declines at dances, but he added that as students became more used to the testing, he hoped attendance would increase.

Lindsay Gordon, 17, a senior at Darien High, said some students skip the dances and drink at private parties instead.

“If kids want to drink, they will drink,” said Ms. Gordon, who is editor of the student newspaper. “They will just go to another party rather than the dance.”

Charlotte Myers, a junior at the high school, said the policy was not a deterrent. “I think it makes kids turn to other substances,” she said.

Margaret Burch, 18, a senior at New Canaan High School, which also requires students to take a Breathalyzer test before entering a school dance, said the testing makes students feel awkward.

“Here you are, all dressed up and ready, and then the principal is sticking a thing in your mouth and it gets everyone angry,” said Ms. Burch. “You just get annoyed, like why can’t they trust us.”

Some students, however, said the testing helped reduce peer pressure to drink.

“It gives kids a chance and a reason to say no; it’s a good excuse,” said McKay Potter, 18, the senior class president at Darien High school.

Many parents have welcomed the school policies.

Dr. Sandy Gordon, an emergency room physician and the father of Lindsay Gordon, the Darien High School senior, said he was grateful that the school was taking steps to ensure students’ health.

“As an emergency room doc, I’ve seen lots of teens with alcohol poisoning,” he said. “This is another level of trying to ensure our children are safe.”

Captain Fred Komm of the Darien Police Department, who oversees an underage-drinking-tips hot line in town, said schools could be held liable if students left a dance intoxicated and got into driving accidents. He said the Breathalyzer tests were helpful as part of an overall community approach to prevent underage drinking.

“It’s a positive step.” Captain Komm said. “It’s not overly intrusive.”

School officials said they realized that the tests were not going to stop all underage drinking and that they would also continue to rely on alcohol and drug education programs to inform students of the dangers.

“It doesn’t solve the problem of teenage drinking,” said Jack Sennott, chairman of the Simsbury Board of Education. “But it solves the problem of teenage drinking at school dances.”

source: New York Times

Much can be done to help children of alcoholics

Alcoholism in the home has long-lasting effects. Children of alcoholics often learn to cope with an unhappy childhood in ways that cause problems for them later in life. Learning about how alcoholism affected your past can help you build a better future.

Children of alcoholics often act in one of the following ways:

* They become super-responsible, like a miniature adult.

* They become a trouble maker.

* They become able to adjust to any change, without noise or fuss.

* They become a family clown or peacemaker, smoothing over troubles.

Children of alcoholics often believe they are all alone, that no other families have these problems or that it is up to them to cure the parent. A child may take the blame for a parent's alcoholism — or the parent may blame the child.

As a result, many children of alcoholics not only feel unloved, but unlovable. Some of them suffer physical or sexual abuse, which reinforces this feeling. And because life at home is full of disappointments, broken promises and lies, the child learns not to trust, not to get too close to anyone and not to communicate in healthy ways.

Adult children of alcoholics often retain their childhood patterns. The super-responsible child may grow into an adult who demands perfectionism. The child who is the family's scapegoat may have legal or financial troubles throughout life. The child who used to adjust to anything may be passive and withdrawn as an adult. And the family clown may grow up to be entertaining, but irresponsible.

An adult child of an alcoholic may be anxious, may try to control events and relationships, may have trouble being intimate, may be chronically depressed or have stress-related health problems.

Tragically, many children of alcoholics either become chemically dependent themselves or marry alcoholics.

If you know a child living in an alcoholic home, try these things:

* Gently encourage the child to talk about life and listen to what they say.

* Invite the child to an outing or offer a quiet place to do homework.

* Encourage the child to think of people who would be understanding and helpful in hard times — perhaps a teacher, friend, relative or neighbor.

* If the parent drinks and drives, give the child your phone number and offer to come pick him/her up.

* Suggest resources for the child, such as Alateen.

* Tell the child that he or she cannot cause, control or cure the parent's drinking.

* Tell the child that alcoholism is a disease and it's OK to love the parent but hate the disease.

Finally, if yougrew up with an alcoholic parent, find out more about alcoholism and its effects on family members of alcoholics.

Talk about your feelings and experiences with friends, relatives, people in 12-step programs, health professionals.

Remember you didn't cause your parent's drinking and no one but the parent had any chance of controlling or curing it.

source: Great Falls Tribune

Translating Steps 6-12 of Alanon

Alanon members say they get a lot out of working the steps of the program which are pretty much the same for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) only they apply the principles to how alcoholism affects their own lives.

• Step 6 states "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." This is about not imposing one's will on others. For Alanons, this means relinquishing control freak behaviors over the alcoholic. (Source: Southwest Group). Your entire focus and obsession throughout the day is no longer on the alcoholic and you can actually have a conversation with friends without it being about "what he did today to me."



• Step 7 says "Humbly asked Him to Remove Our Shortcomings." Alanon also has a workbook that goes into extensive detail regarding working the steps of the program. Some say it is in this step that Alanon members get some kind of peace and it is a relief to "not be trying to run the world in our household." In Alanon the name of the game is detachment as you will notice on any online support groups you find for the program.



• Step 8 reads "Made a List of All Persons We Had Harmed and Became Willing to Make Amends to Them All." Many Alanon members are surprised to learn that the first person on their list is the alcoholic, according to alcoholism.about.com. Anger is common for Alanons who are typically referred to by old-timers in Alanon as "untreated Alanons." What that term means is that this is a person who has not worked the steps of Alanon and can only talk about the problems instead of the solution.



• Step 9 reveals "Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible Except When to Do So Would Injure Them or Others." One Alanon member writes that this step is a "Put your money where your mouth is step" with no expectations. It has been said that living with an alcoholic is like living in a "half-world" and you can't count on anything.



• In Step 10 you "Continued to Take Personal Inventory and When You Were Wrong, Promptly Admitted It." Newcomers in Alanon typically see themselves as saints at first before ever getting a sponsor, attending their first meeting, or doing an inventory, according to a few Alanon members. But as they grow they begin to see "where they themselves start the ball rolling." Some people just coming to Alanon might say that their husband just smokes pot, nothing major and that it never bothered them until recently. Some might say this is "hitting a bottom in Alanon" when you realize that you need help dealing with your emotions surrounding your spouse's addiction.



• Step 11 says "Sought Through Prayer and Meditation to Improve Our Conscious Contact with God as We Understood Him, Praying Only for Knowledge of His Will for Us and the Power to Carry That Out." What this means is you discover the plan your Higher Power has for you. A lot of times the recovering alcoholic is in denial about what went on when she drank - what it did to her family, kids, husband; etc.



• Lastly, in Step 12 Alanon members "Having had a Spiritual Awakening as the Result of These Steps, We Tried to Carry the Message to Others and to Practice These Principles in All Our Affairs." This is the only step of Steps 1-12 of Alanon where the wording is different than AA. In AA the word "others" is substituted for "the alcoholic who still suffers" in Step 12.

All of the steps of Alanon result in a changed attitude toward the alcoholic. You see him or her as a sick person on an emotional level, not just an intellectual one.

source: Associated Content

D.J.'s Recovery Story

'I Am Not an Alcoholic!'

There is a saying around the rooms of recovery that some alcoholics never find help "in this lifetime." In other words, they never get to the point of reaching out for help and they continue drinking all the way to the grave, all the while denying they have a problem.

For friends and family members, watching someone drink themselves to death is a lonely, frustrating and devastating experience, as D.J. describes below in this painful tale of his mother's final days.

D.J.'s Recovery Story
On the night before Christmas there was great sorrow in my home. My mother passed away at the age of 60. She didn't have cancer. No heart attack. She didn't get in a bad car accident nor was she shot. There were no heroics that put her in harm's way nor was there someone else's wrong-doing that brought her to her demise.

In her eyes, her life became of less value as she grew older.

Her children moved away and she didn't see her grandchildren as much as she had liked. She did have a loving husband, but it wasn't enough to give her a sense of worth. She became very depressed.

A Friend Who Lied to Her
She made a friend that would help her through these times. This friend took advantage of her and lied to her. He made her believe that he was the only thing that mattered. He made her believe that her life was worthless without him. He told her that I was a bad son and told her to cut me out of her life. He told her to cut her only sister out of her life and the majority of her friends. He told her to lie to her husband in order to continue their relationship. He made her desperate for him.

This so-called friend was alcohol.

20 Days Comatose
On Thanksgiving night, my mother ate her final meal and drank vodka at a constant pace until December 4 when the people who loved her most found her to be in a grave state and called 911.

She spent 20 days in the hospital. She spent most of those days comatose. When she was awake she would ask people to bring her just a little vodka to take the edge off. I saw her on December 15 which was her 60th birthday. Instead of cake and presents she got a feeding tube from the doctor and some flowers from a son who she wasn't speaking to her because he asked her to stop drinking.

Instead of running to the store to buy her a last minute gift, on December 23, my father, my sister and I were faced with the decision to give her death with some morphine to help ease the pain. We were not offered anything for our pain. Instead, while visions of sugar plums danced in many heads around the world, we juggled broken hearts, planned services, and tried to stay strong for our children.

Alcoholism Can Destroy a Family
My mother was an amazing person at one time. She taught me that anything worth doing is worth doing to the best of your ability. She taught me how to play cribbage and she taught me how to make a great spaghetti sauce.

She also taught me how alcoholism can destroy a family.

Addiction Will Lie to Them
My mom is survived by her husband of 33 years, a son, a daughter, three step-daughters, and eight grandchildren that have a 40 percent chance of becoming alcoholics as well.

If you have someone that you love in your life that is struggling with some kind of addiction or depression, urge them to get help before it's too late. In the long run, they can only help themselves, but if we don't show them where their life is heading, their addictions will lie to them and tell them they are fine.

One of my mother's final words were. "I am not an alcoholic."

-- D.J.

Support for Families
Sometimes family members cannot do anything to help the alcoholic in their lives, but they can get help and support for themselves. Living with an alcoholic can deeply affect others in the family in ways they may not even recognize. Learning as much as possible about alcoholism and how it can affect the entire family can help.

source: about.com

Children are victims of parents' drinking

When life with alcoholic parents became too much for a 10-year-old girl to handle, she sought the help of a trusted counselor and found a way to manage what previously had gotten out of hand.

The support she received from that counselor and from the Alateen program she subsequently attended molded her into the successful adult she is today.

She has asked to use the name Lanie to maintain anonymity.

“Tell your story,” she advised others who may be in a similar position today. “It’s not a secret that you have to keep. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is a disease that can be treated and managed.”

Lanie grew up with two alcoholic parents and, while they were not physically abusive, life was not easy for the child, and the holiday season was worse.

“With alcoholism, there’s always the unpredictability of every day, not knowing what each day is going to hold,” she said. “Then when you add the holidays to that, when things should be good, I think it makes things even worse. I think it’s overwhelming. ... They do have the expectations that holidays will be a wonderful time.”

And for some, it is, she added. Occasionally alcoholics make the effort to behave better during the holidays. They are more likely to go to church or attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings because of the season.

For most, though, the holidays are a struggle, often because of balancing the cost of Christmas with finances already tight from feeding the alcoholism.

“It can make for a very difficult time,” Lanie said.

And while her parents did not abuse her and her younger sister, siblings of both her mother and father also were alcoholics, which exacerbated their family get-togethers.

“I still remember an incident,” she said, describing a Christmas celebration when her father and his brother got into an argument.

“(The uncle) ended up putting his fist through a window and knocking over a Christmas tree,” Lanie said. “I remember thinking, ‘This is not normal. This is not the way holidays should be.’”

Because both parents were busy with alcohol, some of the responsibility of tracking finances rested on Lanie’s shoulders. She tried to monitor money and make sure the bills had been paid, with enough left over for Christmas. During the season, it seemed, her father tended to drink even more and money was tight.

“It’s real hard for two kids to live with two alcoholics living together,” she recalled. “It was always like, ‘Who’s the parent here?’”

Finally, the girl decided she needed to talk to someone about the problems at home.

“When I finally talked to my school counselor at the time, that’s what finally got my mom to treatment,” Lanie said.

She had gone to counselor Robbie Hill for advice, and Hill had called in Lanie’s mother.

“It wasn’t a good confrontation,” Lanie said of the meeting. No one threatened to take the children away, but Hill made it clear that the environment was not good for the children and something had to be done.

The result eventually was worth the effort.

“(Hill) is a big supporter of Alateen,” Lanie said. “She’s definitely one of those people that’s easy to talk to and is a big support for families.”

So Lanie, at 10, began going to Alateen meetings.

“I would really, really encourage kids to seek out Alateen,” Lanie said. “That was my saving grace through my childhood.”

She could not leave her year-old sister at home to be taken care of by her alcoholic parents while she attended meetings, though.

“If I wanted to go to an Alateen meeting, I had to take her with me,” Lanie said. “ ... She learned to read from Alateen books.”

Lanie began to learn, too, and by the time she was in her teens, she became a speaker for the organization.

“Alateen really, honestly, provided me with so many opportunities. I’ve been to 48 states and seven countries as an Alateen speaker,” she said.

It was not unusual for her to speak to crowds of up to 10,000 youths, all children of alcoholics going through much of the same life she had experienced.

“One thing I think was really helpful as a kid was trying to keep in mind that it wasn’t because of me and it wasn’t about me,” she said. “Even though it was affecting me, it was nothing I could control.”

As a teen, Lanie also served as one of a seven-member national Alateen committee that created literature, bylaws, and similar guidelines for the organization.

Lanie maintained that connection to Alateen until, at 20, she aged out of the program and began going to Al-Anon. Though she still goes to meetings, she doesn’t attend as frequently as she did the Alateen group.

“It really defined my life and me as a person,” she said. “The traveling alone gave me so many experiences, and then to be able to be part of an organization and a planning committee like that, I think really enabled me to be part of the business world. ...

“I know I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t have parents who were alcoholics and if I didn’t have Alateen.”

Lanie’s mother got into recovery and started attending AA meetings when the girl was 14. Her parents divorced, and her father continued to drink, though he made seven failed attempts at treatment.

“I learned how to love him and have a relationship with him in the context (of alcoholism). I was okay with that,” Lanie said. “I think it taught me, especially with my dad, never to give up hope.”

Two years ago, unexpectedly, her father began going to AA meetings and has been sober since.

“His health has improved considerably. He’s just really become a nice guy. It’s been a nice opportunity for him to be a parent and a grandparent,” she said.

The end of her uncle’s story was not so happy. He and his wife divorced, and several years later, he died in a motel room out-of-state. It was several days before anyone found his body.

“In AA they say it’s a cunning, baffling disease, and that is so true,” Lanie said. “ ... You just never know what’s going to happen. There’s definitely some power greater than us that makes those decisions.”

source: The Emporia Gazette

Al-Anon can help you cope with alcoholics in your life

Margie and her husband go to one of those churches that frown on drinking, but her husband of 30 years drinks anyway.

Margie had an alcoholic father, an alcoholic uncle and an alcoholic brother. Her husband is an alcoholic. “I’ve had it all my life and I’m tired of dealing with it. I am a Christian and I always felt that with the Lord’s help, I could do this.”

But she can’t talk to her church friends about her husband’s drinking. They don’t know he drinks. “My husband is a closet alcoholic,” Margie said. “He doesn’t drink in bars. He doesn’t drink where anyone can see him. He drinks at home, but not when I’m there.”

Margie works a professional job. Her husband, now retired, is a functioning alcoholic, she said. Trouble is, he becomes unpleasant and verbally abusive to her when he drinks.

“You never know when you come home what you’re going to find,” she said, adding that her husband isn’t physically abusive. “Just nasty things coming out of his mouth, not cussing, but mean things.”

In August, a friend took Margie to Al-Anon, a 12-step program for people who have a loved one who abuses alcohol or drugs or has an eating disorder. The friend’s parents were alcoholic and she had gone until they died. For years, she encouraged Margie to go.

“You get wisdom from people who have gone through this,” Margie said. “Last night we talked about trying to find the blessings in other situations and not to concentrate on the alcoholic.”

The week before, people had talked about the three C’s: “You can’t cure it, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it.” She added another three. “But with Christ, you can cope and have compassion.”

She has more peace now. She hopes her husband won’t drink so much, but he won’t have the excuse anymore that she is nagging him. “Now he doesn’t get the harassment from me. I have learned that this isn’t the way to handle it.”

Dan’s prodigal son

Dan has a son who first used alcohol and drugs at 14, attempted suicide at 18 and failed three times in rehab before finding success at a Hazelden residential rehab center in Minnesota. He stayed in residency beyond the initial rehab period, then stepped down to a halfway house, a three-quarter house and then independent living. He has been sober now eight years.

Dan, a minister, has been going to Al-Anon for eight years. Before that, his wife, a college teacher, went by herself. “I believed it was all our son’s issues. He was the drug addict and the alcohol abuser. What I found when I got to Al-Anon was that people who live around these people learn coping mechanisms.”

He had thought he could control his son’s behavior. He learned to accept that he couldn’t.

Dan and his wife go to meetings together now. Their son lives in Minnesota. Does the son attend meetings there? “I don’t know that I can answer that,” Dan said. “It’s one of those things I don’t ask about. All I know is he is clean and he manages his affairs.

“Al-Anon has helped me learn something about boundaries,” he added.

Charlene: Save thyself

Charlene’s son is an alcoholic and her husband was an alcoholic.

She and her husband were living separately when he died of his disease, Charlene said. “We were still married. I never gave up the hope he would get better. In fact, we were better friends when he was away because I didn’t get involved with everything and I wasn’t as affected. I had my own income, my own place to live and my life wasn’t as upside down anymore.”

Charlene, now in her mid-50s, stayed with her husband 10 years after she first attended an Al-Anon meeting in 1990. “His disease progressed and my situation became more tolerable because I made decisions that were right for me — with the help of Al-Anon.

“Before that I felt I was living in a cage of my own. I didn’t do anything without his approval, without his doing it with me.”

That didn’t happen often. “He was out doing his drinking and drugging while I was sitting at home worrying about where he was. I didn’t realize I alone had the key to that cage.”

When she moved out, the business she helped her husband run collapsed. She declared bankruptcy. The business was in her name.

She and her husband went to church together until his drinking and drugging got the better of him. They had Jet Skis and four-wheelers. “They’re toys,” she said. “They’re supposed to make you happy.”

Now, she has a good job and her own home. She no longer goes to church. “Al-Anon is a very spiritual program and it has brought me in touch with a higher power in a very different way, a more personal way.”

source: By Bob Schwarz
Staff writer
Sunday Gazette-Mail